When I say "I wish they would turn this book into a movie" what I really mean is "I wish they would turn this book into a 17-hour long spectacle that includes every single solitary detail and doesn't deviate at all from the story line and has perfect casting."
Truth.
The number of movies made based off books is astronomical. The number of good movies made based off books....not so much. Here's my theory: some books, Harry Potter for example are extremely popular and make lots and lots of money. So some genius gets the idea that they can make a whole lot more money if they turn it into a movie. Millions of people go and see the movie, some of whom haven't read the books, and after seeing the movie they go buy the books and Voila! more money is made. Smart, huh?
Here's the problem. Those of us who have read the book and are only going to see the movie adaptation simply because we can't help ourselves--we have to see how some professional film crew's ideas compare to our own imaginations--have high expectations. And when I say high, I mean HIGH.
See above italicized quote.
So, if it really is all about making money, these producers and directors and everybody involved in the money making would be a whole lot richer if they came to the conclusion that readers are going to pay to see the movie no matter what. So why not make multiple movies spanning one book? You have fans that will pay to see all three movies and you have fans that will be so much happier because you didn't f*ck it up.
Granted, I get that there are a lot of hoops to get through--actors looking older, it costs money to make more movies, blah blah blah. I get that there's red tape. Humor me.
So, I would like to now share my own personal top 5 travesties posing as movies based on books. Your lists might be much more diverse--my own probably seems limited because there are plenty of books I have read where I haven't seen the movie, for whatever reason, or movies I have seen but have not yet read the book. Anyway, here goes:
#5. Twilight
The thing that can be said for the Twilight Saga movies is they do get better as they progress. The first film is most definitely the worst. My biggest issue with it is the casting of the two main characters. Watching Rob Pattison as Edward play opposite Kristen Stewart as Bella is like watching really bad amateur porn. It's awkward, it's uncomfortable, yet you can't seem to look away. Now, my husband and I have debated about whether the directors purposely had the two seem awkward around each other throughout the first few movies to emphasize the difference between human Bella and vampire Bella. Having seen the final installment, which is by far the best, and finally seeing some real chemistry between Robert and Kristen, I think that may be a fairly realistic assumption. Unfortunately, that's asking a lot of your viewers--to watch purposely bad acting for 4 movies, just to emphasize how good the 5th and final one will be.
My other issue with the poor acting, on purpose or not, is that when reading the book, you don't get the feeling that Bella is that awkward. At first, maybe, but not for very long. She's pretty adult for being a teenager and from the time she finds out what Edward is, she's fine with it. She's not unsure about what she wants. She has concerns about her family and friends, but she never doubts that she wants to be a vampire, that she wants to be with Edward. If anything, Edward is the one that holds back, who is "awkward." In my opinion, that is not portrayed on screen.
There are other smaller issues I have with the film, such as the random trip out into the woods so that Bella can confront Edward about what he is (instead of on the way home from the city in the car) followed by the crazy trip up the mountain so that Bella can see Edward sparkle in the sunlight--all in the middle of a school day, no less. What? How hard would it have been to stick to the book, I mean seriously?
3.5 stars out of 5
#4. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
This one's a little harder to write, for two reasons. 1) I saw the movie before reading the book, which is unusual for me and 2) I've only watched the movie that one time. Having read the book since, the details between the book and movie have gotten a little hazy.
One thing I remember clearly is I saw the movie with Chaz (who had read the book) and he was ready to walk out ten minutes into the movie because he was so angry with how things were going. I do remember that the kids were way too old in the movie--they're supposed to be 12, they're portrayed as 16. The movie also changes the overall underlying plot, which is that the Titans, lead by Kronos, are trying to overthrow the gods. Instead they get this bright idea that Luke wants to take over, just because he's a power-hungry teenager. In reality, Luke is manipulated by Kronos and allows Kronos to take control of his body because he's pissed that his father, Hermes, left his mother and abandoned him.
Now, maybe that's because they never planned to continue the saga with more movies, but it's still pretty irritating. Other irritating issues with the movie are the existence of Persephone, Hades' wife, who helps the kids because she hates Hades. Persephone has no influence in the book and she likes her husband. The competitiveness between Zeus, Poseidon and Hades, which is huge in the book, is totally passed over in the movie. Ares' interference, which again, is huge in the book, is also passed over.
I hate that movies that are "loosely" based on a book take the same name as the book. Call it something else, still give credit to the book it is "loosely" based on and make people a lot happier. You save yourself the high and then disappointed expectations of a lot of people.
3 stars out of 5
#3. a) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
b) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
c) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Ok, we're talking Harry Potter, here. One of the most, if not the most popular fantasy series in existence. This is the series that has led to every type of fan memorabilia possible, including a theme park built to look like the setting of the wizarding world. People want to go to Hogwarts, they wish more than anything that it was real. This is a huge, incredibly influential series to millions upon millions of people.
So what do the producers do? They make three very half-assed films that don't come even remotely close to being accurate.
Issues with Goblet of Fire: the Quidditch Cup and the following riot, no house-elves, Neville telling Harry about the gillyweed instead of Dobby, and the maze. And those are just the major ones. I mean, seriously, that maze? Pathetic. The maze is huge, and so fun! All of the spells, enchantments and creatures and all we get in the movie is overgrown shrubbery that tries to consume the contestants.
Issues with Order of the Phoenix: the time at 12 Grimmauld Place--no cleaning, no discussions between Sirius and Harry, limited Kreacher exposure. The absolute hell Umbridge turns Hogwarts into--it's all just thrown together with no explicit details. The Weasley twins' exit--again, pathetic. That's one of the best parts of the book, where everybody cheers and all we get are a couple of fireworks? What?!? The battle at the ministry--so many rooms that weren't touched upon, too many injuries that were left unmentioned. The battle is epic and really shows how far these young wizards and witches have come and how talented they are and you don't get that in the movie at all.
Issues with the Half-Blood Prince: where do I start? The fact that the movie spends more time focusing on Ron and Lavender making out than anything else is in itself disgusting. Harry being in some random place when Dumbledore finds him at the beginning of the movie, instead of Dumbledore picking him up at the Dursleys' and more importantly, putting the Dursleys in their place for treating Harry like crap--ugh. Snape teaching D.A.D.A. is pretty much skipped over, you get no class time. Dumbledore's training sessions with Harry are a vital part of book 6 and all we get in the movie is Slughorn's fractured memory. Oh, and Voldemort as a kid--but nothing about his ancestors, the Gaunts. Nothing about Voldemort's working and stealing items to use as Horcruxes. The Horcruxes are the foundation of Voldemort's destruction and we get none of that.
While Book 6 is not my favorite book in the series, it is a very important book. There is a LOT of important information that sets up the final installment and barely any of it gets into the movie. Major fail.
All three movies averaged out together--2.5 stars out of 5
#2. Nights in Rodanthe
There is one major issue with this movie that pretty much ruins the whole thing. In the book, Adrienne is helping her grown daughter Amanda deal with depression. Amanda has just lost her husband and has to now raise her two children on her own. While trying to help comfort her daughter, Amanda blows up in Adrienne's face, asking her what she knows about losing love? (Adrienne and Amanda's father are divorced.)
Hurt and heartbroken, Adrienne sits Amanda down and tells her the story of her relationship with Paul Flanner, a man she met while tending a friend's inn for a few days. She and Paul fall in love over a few days and although their paths take them in different directions after leaving the inn, they stay in touch through letters. After a few years, Paul tells Adrienne that he wants to come back to her and continue their relationship together and Adrienne is planning for his return when she is informed that Paul has died in an accident.
Amanda is shocked that her mother has such a story to tell and has kept it secret and suffered in silence for so long. She realizes that her mother does understand what she's going through and they are able to take comfort in each other.
In the movie, Adrienne's daughter is portrayed as a 16/17 year old who is very devoted to her father and is very angry with her mother for not getting back together with him when he suggests it. She just can't understand why her mother wouldn't get back together with her father when it's the easy thing to do and would be so good for her and her brother. So, Adrienne sits down and tells her daughter the story of her and Paul, basically to placate her daughter who is basically throwing a teenage temper tantrum.
That "minor" detail changes the entire tone of the story and makes the movie a throw away. How hard would it have been to stick to the actual story, instead of making things up? In the book, the father isn't trying to get back together with Adrienne. So why say he is in the movie? Why not leave it the poignant, adult story it is? Major screw-up.
2 stars out of 5
#1. Eragon
And the winner is....you got it. Eragon. Worst. Movie. EVER!!! My experience with this one is basically the opposite of my experience with Percy Jackson. I had read the book, absolutely LOVED the book and was so effing excited about the movie. My younger brother and I went together and we were sitting in the theatre, bouncing in anticipation.
And then it started. And it kept going. And I sat there is horror, totally appalled at the absolute travesty that deigned to call itself a film playing out on the screen. I have never watched it again. It was that bad. About the only thing that stayed "true" to the book was the names of the characters. The entire plot was f*cked up, nothing happened the way it was supposed to.
I really can't go into much more detail than that because I honestly don't remember what happened in the movie. I just know it wasn't what happened in the book. It was THAT bad. I will never watch that movie ever again because I will not torture my integrity as a literary reader like that again. It was perfectly evident that the producers made it quickly, just to cash in on the name. Guess they didn't realize how popular the Inheritance Series was going to become. More's the shame for them.
If they had done the movie properly, maybe even made the movie in two installments (same can be said for Harry Potter 4-6), the viewers would have been so much happier and satisfied and they'd have made a whole crapload of money more than they did. Again, more's the shame for them.
Now, let the debates begin....
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