Just recently I finally and fully embraced my desire to be an author; to make writing a career, not just a hobby. And while I know that there is a lot that goes into getting my work published, right now the goal is to focus on creating said work. If I want my name out there in print, it has to be on something.
So my goal for 2014 is to finish a complete rough draft of my first book. At the same time, I'm trying to remember to jot down notes on new ideas, new thoughts that pop into my head. I've decided to try outlining, before I start writing, because I already have so many ideas for the plot, I don't want to forget them. I haven't outlined since high school, so it should be a fun exercise.
I've also gotten back into my poetry writing, which I've put on hold for quite a while. So many other things have gotten in the way over the last six months or so; I'm having to try to remember to carve out some time for me, outside of the housework and toddler watching and errand running.
One thing I've realized about myself recently though, is that my people-pleasing habits that I've been trying so hard to break have spilled over into my writing. I've noticed that when I sit down to write, I start wondering, almost immediately, if what I'm writing is going to be something people are going to like. Should I write it this way, or will that upset people? Should I do it this way, even if it's not really what I want to do, because I think it will get a better reaction from the audience? And that's when I realize that as much as I've been trying to have more self-confidence, I haven't quite got it down yet. It's headed in the right direction, but it hasn't quite reached that final destination.
I know I'm talented. I know I can write well. I've had numerous people who know about writing tell me so. Teachers, professors, mentors and peers. They all seem quite confident in my abilities. So why am I not?
The fact is, I am. I've just got to hold on to that part of myself, that believes in myself and is focused on pleasing myself, rather than what might please everyone around me. The people who truly love me and care about me are going to support me, whether they personally like what I've written or not. And as for everyone else~~who cares? There are millions upon millions of people out there who read. Some are going to love what I write, some are going to think it's so-so, and some would rather use it as toilet paper. And that's okay.
The point is, writing makes me happy. It makes me feel fulfilled. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. And I know, that sooner or later, I will get published. On some level. Will I ever write a New York Times bestseller? I don't know. I dream that I can. I hope that I can. But there are so many outlets for publication these days. One of them will work out for me.
And with that being said, I'm going to quit stalling with the blogging, and get back to my outline. Cuz Lord knows, my book's not going to write itself.
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