Let me start, first and foremost by saying: parenting is subjective. There is no perfect way to do it. One must make judgment calls based on a number of factors--the specific situation, the age of the child, the motivation behind the child's actions, the parent's own experiences, standard setting, etc. The list could go on and on and on....
That being said, this post is in no way an attempt to tell others how to raise their children, because frankly, it's none of my business. I do not claim to be a perfect parent. I make mistakes. It is not for me to tell others what is right and wrong when it comes to their parenting decisions. In the same manner, I feel that others (especially those who do not have children) should not deign to tell me how to raise my two girls. My husband and I make parenting decisions together and it is his and my opinion that matters when it comes to our daughters. No one is obligated to agree with the choices we make--but neither are they entitled to tell us we are wrong.
End rant.
Start point of blog.
I would like to clarify my position on a picture I posted on facebook. The picture depicts an envelope taped to the front door of a house. On the envelope, handwritten, is the following: "You have missed curfew! Do not knock or ring the doorbell. You may sleep on the patio. I have been generous this time and provided a blanket." The caption of the photo, which was posted by a radio station, asked the question: Too harsh or good parenting? Comments ranged from total support to total horror and disgust. Some of the arguments against this sort of action were: that it simply gave the child free reign for the rest of the night and they would only see it as permission to go back to the party from whence they came, that it was unsafe and what happened if the child was kidnapped, raped and murdered, and DCFS would not think this was good parenting.
I shared the picture, along with the fact that I might offer the car as a viable sleeping option, rather than the patio, but besides that, I was all for it.
Let's break this down, shall we?
First of all, we have no idea what the specifics of the situation were regarding the parent who taped this envelope to his/her door or the child that it was meant to punish. Whether or not the threat was carried through and whether or not the punishment was effective we may never know. Like I said previously, judgment calls are made based on numerous factors.
To address the arguments against said punishment:
1) If the child sees such a thing as permission to go gallivanting for the rest of the night, chances are good that either 1) he has no regard for his set curfew in the first place and mightn't have bothered to come home at all, 2) that this is an ongoing problem that has not been addressed by either the child or the parent, because of laziness, lack of communication, lack of affection, etc., or 3) the child is just looking for a way to excuse his behavior (how could I make curfew, you locked me out, what else was I supposed to do?). Or perhaps a combination of any or all of these. So whether it was this punishment, a grounding, etc...whether or not it is effective punishment, again, depends on a lot of things. And if the child has no regard for rules and no respect for the laws set down by his parents, nothing is too harsh because the child doesn't allow it to affect him in the first place.
2) Yes, in this day and age, it is certainly possible and possibly probable that such an action would be unsafe. Again, however, we must take into consideration certain factors. Doing this to a 13 year old who lives in East St. Louis (a local place that I am familiar with) or perhaps downtown L.A. (Chicago, New York, any major city, take your pick) is probably not the best idea. It would definitely put the child in a position of risk. Doing this to an 18 year old who lives in Greendale, Indiana (another place with which I am familiar) where everybody knows everybody--takes the risk factor down quite a bit.
At this point let me clarify that there are exceptions to every rule and none of this is 100% definite. Just a note for anyone that's ready with an anecdote that starts with, "Well, I knew somebody...."
Also, regarding the safety issue--if this was done by a parent who is familiar with their child and relatively involved in their child's life and takes their child's safety seriously, I think it is pretty safe to say that the parent believed this type of punishment did not put their child at a high level of risk. The fact that the envelope qualified "I'm being generous this time" indicates that this may have happened once or twice before and the child survived to suffer the same punishment...again. If the kid was resourceful enough to stay out late and make it home ok, chances are he is resourceful enough to either get into the house or smart enough to know he is either 1) safe sleeping on the patio or 2) to call up a friend and find a place to crash, depending on whether or not he's willing to suffer said consequences.
3) It is difficult to find ANY kind of parenting/discipline that DCFS approves of. If you spank your child, it's abusive. If you lock your child out of the house, it's abusive. If your child refuses to eat because he doesn't like what you've prepared and you let him go hungry for the night, it's abusive and neglectful. No punishment is perfect. A punishment that works for one child may have no effect on another. And any type of punishment can be abused by people that are determined to be abusive. Again, it's a matter of not placing blame where blame is due. A parent doesn't have to spank his child to be abusive--that can be accomplished simply by telling the child every day that he or she is ugly...or stupid...or worthless. It is not the art of spanking that is abusive--it's the parent. So personally, I find the DCFS argument mostly moot. DCFS would probably have a million things to say about the way I'm raising my daughters. But my daughters are happy, healthy and pretty darn well-behaved for kids their age.
As for my own personal experience with such a punishment (because, yes, I do have one)--it never had to get this far. My parents told me before I walked out the door that my curfew was at a specific time. At that specific time, the door was getting locked. If I wasn't home, I was out of luck. I never came home to an envelope taped to the door because I always made it home on time. And furthermore, the locked door wasn't even the actual point. I had a key to my house. Any parent who doesn't provide his or her kids with keys to the house has problems above and beyond locking the kids out of the house. So I could unlock the door and go inside if I wanted to, as I'm sure many other kids who are faced with similar situations can. The point of the punishment is to reinforce the idea that respect for the parents and their rules is due. If you think, as a teenager, that you are enough of an adult to not come home until three in the morning when you're supposed to be home by midnight or one, if you are enough of an adult to "take care of yourself" and follow your own set of rules, then by all means, live like an adult. Find your own place to sleep. Give up your right to the bedroom and bed and privacy that your parents provide and pay for. I don't know too many parents who charge their children rent for no good reason--so if you're living under their roof, it makes perfect sense that you be obligated to follow their rules. If you as a child are going to deny me the respect I'm due as a parent who has put your needs and wants above all else, then I'm going to deny you the comfort of a bed.
This is how I was raised. I was raised to respect my parents and follow the rules, even if I didn't like them. If I didn't like them that much, I had the option of moving out and making it on my own and following my own rules. It was that simple. My parents did not ask much from me and I was not treated unfairly (even if as a teenager, I may have thought so at the time).
I would not use this punishment lightly. I might not do it exactly in this manner. I would only use it if the individual circumstances warranted it. And it is my prayer that I am a good enough parent that by the time my girls are old enough for this type of punishment to be remotely appropriate, I won't have to resort to it.
Being a parent is not easy. It encompasses many different roles. It is not just your job as a parent to love your children, but also to be a guide for them and teach them to make decisions for themselves. Loving them is not enough. In the real world, there are consequences for your actions and if you don't learn that early, it bites you in the butt. If you're late for work, you are punished. If you don't turn your homework in on time, you get a failing grade. If you don't follow the rules your employer sets for you because you think you know better, you get fired.
Letting your children come to understand such consequences before they become reality is a sign of good parenting. Give them a better way. Let them make mistakes early so they learn from them and don't make them later on when the consequences are much more severe than spending the night on a patio.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Limit Guns, Limit Life
Since the tragic shooting in Colorado this past Friday, there has been a massive influx of commentaries on the issue of gun control flooding my Facebook feed. Both sides of the issue have been represented, but the side supporting restrictive gun laws has definitely been a bit more vocal. And seeing as it's an election year, many politicians are using the Colorado tragedy as a means to rise in the polls. Whether Republican or Democrat, I find it a bit despicable.
Twelve lives were lost. Over fifty more were affected forever. Some may never walk into a movie theatre again due to post-traumatic stress, panic attacks and debilitating fear. Families are now suffering from both massive amounts of grief and medical bills that, due to our flailing economy, they probably will not be able to afford. That those looking for power gains are willing to try and use the situation toward their own ends absolutely disgusts me.
However, that is not my main point.
I have two, actually--the first, quite simply, is about bullies. The second, about criminals.
Bullies prey on the weak. They target those who either cannot or will not fight back. Whether it is the biggest kid on the playground tormenting the smallest, the drunken husband beating on the wife who takes it in order to protect the child, the rapist jumping someone from behind or the shooter targeting a "gun free" zone because he knows no one will shoot back, in the end it is the same. Bullies, beating on the easy target. When the small kid gets in the big kid's face and shoves back, it's amazing how quickly the big kid backs off. When the would-be rape victim pulls out the pepper spray and the cell phone, quickly dialing 911, the rapist quickly turns tail and runs. And when the shooter takes a bullet from someone shooting back in self-defense, the death toll usually falls short of twelve.
Denying the right to own, carry and conceal a weapon, believing that such action will save lives is a fallacy. When you take away a person's ability to defend himself, he quickly becomes a target for bullies looking for easy prey--the only kind of prey for which they look. Restricting the possession of firearms to the public makes it that much easier for those who do go on shooting sprees to up their number of kills very rapidly. If someone tries to shoot me and I am unarmed, the best I can do is run for cover--any shooter with any determination to kill will simply continue to hunt me down and to fire until I am hit. If he's an accurate shot, I'm dead. Life lost. However, if I am armed and properly trained, when he shoots at me, I shoot back. And then, if he values his life at all, he must rethink his strategy and also look for cover. If I hit him, even if the wound is not life-threatening, it slows him down. There's also the possibility that he gives up entirely and leaves. Now yes, he may still hit me and I may go down. My life may still be lost.
However....
Insert this same scenario into a situation like the one on July 20, where a huge number of people are involved. When someone shoots back at the shooter and he takes that moment of hesitation to rethink what's going on, vital seconds pass where others can make it out the door and get to safety. If, unwilling to risk his own life, he gives up entirely and leaves, a lot less shooting happens and a lot less bullets find flesh in which to lodge themselves.
Three people that went to the Batman premier in Colorado de-armed themselves before entering the theatre because the theatre was a "gun-free" zone. Had they been allowed to keep their weapons in the theatre, there is the possibility that not only one, but three people could have been returning fire towards the shooter. I highly doubt that he would have continued with his deadly intent had he been dodging bullets from three different directions. But because the theatre was known publicly to be a "gun-free" zone, the shooter knew he would meet with no resistance. Easy prey for a bully. A smart, technical, and possibly insane bully, yes, but a bully nonetheless.
De-arming people in this case did NOT save lives. In all honesty, it most likely helped cost lives. Losing even one life is a tragedy. But losing twelve that might have been prevented under different circumstances? That is an absolute travesty.
As for my second point, as I said it regards criminals. Criminals are criminals for the simple fact that they DO NOT FOLLOW LAWS.
I've seen throughout my feed many comments regarding how if certain weapons were not made available to the public, such incidents would not occur. This my friends, is bullshit. If someone is bound and determined to shoot up a movie theatre, they will find a way. Something tells me that if someone is willing to commit twelve counts of murder and God knows how many counts of attempted murder, they're probably willing to illegally purchase a weapon. Not only illegally purchase the weapon, but not register it, scratch off the identification numbers on it, etc.
My husband and I are big fans of the show "Sons of Anarchy." For anyone not familiar with the show, it is about a motorcycle club, whose members' main source of income comes from running illegal weapons. While it is just a TV show, based on fiction, the underlying foundation is reality. A friend of my husband's looked into joining an Illinois-based MC a while ago. After he became a prospect, my husband asked him if it was like being on the set of SOA--running guns, drugs and prostitutes? His friend, in all seriousness answered, "Well, not the drugs. We don't get into that shit." Selling weapons on the black market happens all the time.
The fact is, obtaining weapons is not difficult for those who are determined to get them. They will break the law to get them with no qualms whatsoever. Passing laws that limit the rights of gun owners does not stop the criminals--because again, they DON'T FOLLOW LAWS--it only inhibits the ability of those who use their firearms responsibly to defend their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.
Guns are not responsible for the twelve lives lost in Colorado on July 20, 2012. James Egan Holmes is. Without Holmes wielding the weapons, no one would have been shot, because guns don't shoot themselves. Had the three individual gun owners who attended the film been allowed to carry their weapons instead of checking them at the door, Holmes may have been prevented from shooting so many times.
Bullies and criminals must be the ones held responsible for their actions. It is they who should be punished, not the general public. Limiting the rights of responsible gun owners because of a single psycho spree killer is like taking recess away from the entire class because one kid wouldn't shut up. It's not fair, it breeds resentment, and only hurts those who aren't at fault.
And if the whole point is to save lives, well....there's only one way lives are saved. Take your life back from the bully. Let him know that you can and will defend yourself and that he has no power over you. Watch how quickly he backs off and how much longer you stay alive.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed--2nd Amendment
"The Supreme Court has now definitively held that the Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that weapon for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home. Moreover, this right applies not just to the federal government, but to states and municipalities as well."--http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data/constitution/amendment02/
Twelve lives were lost. Over fifty more were affected forever. Some may never walk into a movie theatre again due to post-traumatic stress, panic attacks and debilitating fear. Families are now suffering from both massive amounts of grief and medical bills that, due to our flailing economy, they probably will not be able to afford. That those looking for power gains are willing to try and use the situation toward their own ends absolutely disgusts me.
However, that is not my main point.
I have two, actually--the first, quite simply, is about bullies. The second, about criminals.
Bullies prey on the weak. They target those who either cannot or will not fight back. Whether it is the biggest kid on the playground tormenting the smallest, the drunken husband beating on the wife who takes it in order to protect the child, the rapist jumping someone from behind or the shooter targeting a "gun free" zone because he knows no one will shoot back, in the end it is the same. Bullies, beating on the easy target. When the small kid gets in the big kid's face and shoves back, it's amazing how quickly the big kid backs off. When the would-be rape victim pulls out the pepper spray and the cell phone, quickly dialing 911, the rapist quickly turns tail and runs. And when the shooter takes a bullet from someone shooting back in self-defense, the death toll usually falls short of twelve.
Denying the right to own, carry and conceal a weapon, believing that such action will save lives is a fallacy. When you take away a person's ability to defend himself, he quickly becomes a target for bullies looking for easy prey--the only kind of prey for which they look. Restricting the possession of firearms to the public makes it that much easier for those who do go on shooting sprees to up their number of kills very rapidly. If someone tries to shoot me and I am unarmed, the best I can do is run for cover--any shooter with any determination to kill will simply continue to hunt me down and to fire until I am hit. If he's an accurate shot, I'm dead. Life lost. However, if I am armed and properly trained, when he shoots at me, I shoot back. And then, if he values his life at all, he must rethink his strategy and also look for cover. If I hit him, even if the wound is not life-threatening, it slows him down. There's also the possibility that he gives up entirely and leaves. Now yes, he may still hit me and I may go down. My life may still be lost.
However....
Insert this same scenario into a situation like the one on July 20, where a huge number of people are involved. When someone shoots back at the shooter and he takes that moment of hesitation to rethink what's going on, vital seconds pass where others can make it out the door and get to safety. If, unwilling to risk his own life, he gives up entirely and leaves, a lot less shooting happens and a lot less bullets find flesh in which to lodge themselves.
Three people that went to the Batman premier in Colorado de-armed themselves before entering the theatre because the theatre was a "gun-free" zone. Had they been allowed to keep their weapons in the theatre, there is the possibility that not only one, but three people could have been returning fire towards the shooter. I highly doubt that he would have continued with his deadly intent had he been dodging bullets from three different directions. But because the theatre was known publicly to be a "gun-free" zone, the shooter knew he would meet with no resistance. Easy prey for a bully. A smart, technical, and possibly insane bully, yes, but a bully nonetheless.
De-arming people in this case did NOT save lives. In all honesty, it most likely helped cost lives. Losing even one life is a tragedy. But losing twelve that might have been prevented under different circumstances? That is an absolute travesty.
As for my second point, as I said it regards criminals. Criminals are criminals for the simple fact that they DO NOT FOLLOW LAWS.
I've seen throughout my feed many comments regarding how if certain weapons were not made available to the public, such incidents would not occur. This my friends, is bullshit. If someone is bound and determined to shoot up a movie theatre, they will find a way. Something tells me that if someone is willing to commit twelve counts of murder and God knows how many counts of attempted murder, they're probably willing to illegally purchase a weapon. Not only illegally purchase the weapon, but not register it, scratch off the identification numbers on it, etc.
My husband and I are big fans of the show "Sons of Anarchy." For anyone not familiar with the show, it is about a motorcycle club, whose members' main source of income comes from running illegal weapons. While it is just a TV show, based on fiction, the underlying foundation is reality. A friend of my husband's looked into joining an Illinois-based MC a while ago. After he became a prospect, my husband asked him if it was like being on the set of SOA--running guns, drugs and prostitutes? His friend, in all seriousness answered, "Well, not the drugs. We don't get into that shit." Selling weapons on the black market happens all the time.
The fact is, obtaining weapons is not difficult for those who are determined to get them. They will break the law to get them with no qualms whatsoever. Passing laws that limit the rights of gun owners does not stop the criminals--because again, they DON'T FOLLOW LAWS--it only inhibits the ability of those who use their firearms responsibly to defend their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.
Guns are not responsible for the twelve lives lost in Colorado on July 20, 2012. James Egan Holmes is. Without Holmes wielding the weapons, no one would have been shot, because guns don't shoot themselves. Had the three individual gun owners who attended the film been allowed to carry their weapons instead of checking them at the door, Holmes may have been prevented from shooting so many times.
Bullies and criminals must be the ones held responsible for their actions. It is they who should be punished, not the general public. Limiting the rights of responsible gun owners because of a single psycho spree killer is like taking recess away from the entire class because one kid wouldn't shut up. It's not fair, it breeds resentment, and only hurts those who aren't at fault.
And if the whole point is to save lives, well....there's only one way lives are saved. Take your life back from the bully. Let him know that you can and will defend yourself and that he has no power over you. Watch how quickly he backs off and how much longer you stay alive.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed--2nd Amendment
"The Supreme Court has now definitively held that the Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that weapon for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home. Moreover, this right applies not just to the federal government, but to states and municipalities as well."--http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data/constitution/amendment02/
Monday, July 23, 2012
Oftentimes I feel like I don't have the time (or perhaps don't make and take the time) to sit back and reflect on the many things that impact my life. However, when it does happen, it amazes me how I tend to worry most about the little things--the things that really aren't going to matter in the long run. For example, I get extremely frazzled when people show up to my house unexpectedly....usually because my house isn't totally 100% pristine and I feel like people will judge me and think I'm a bad housewife because there are a few dirty dishes in the sink. Or when plans get changed at the last minute--drives me crazy. I get myself all worked up and in a tizzy and always spend forever ranting about the imminent bad outcome of said changed plans.
In all honesty, it's a tad ridiculous.
Life is a constant, ever-changing, massive ball of unpredictability. Circumstances change in an instant. The path you set for yourself is almost never the path you end up walking down. Things happen that you can't control (and if I'm truly honest with myself, and the world, I'm more than a bit of a control freak) and the best thing you can do is trust that God will handle the things you can't and get you through them.
The thing I find interesting, in my case however, is that when it comes to the big things--I mean, the huge, important, life-altering things--I don't worry about them. I'm able to give up control and just trust that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
My dad is pretty sick right now. He's had some rather major medical issues going on for the past several years, but they are all coming to a head now. In the past six weeks he has had numerous tests run, received multiple blood transfusions and taken a trip to the ER that resulted in a 4-day hospital stay. Without saying too much specifically, to protect his privacy, I can say that there is a good chance that his lease on life may be limited. I hope that he's around for the next 30 years. I know that probably won't happen. But what I pray for is that God's will be done. I know that God has a plan for my dad, as He does for each of us, and if His plan is for my dad to die at the age of 55, or 56, or 57, then that is what will happen.
When my mom first told me what my dad's diagnosis was, I wasn't surprised. I'd seen it coming. But hearing it spoken out loud was still a bit of a shock. I took a day or two to grieve and to process, but I very quickly came to a place of acceptance. I came to terms with the fact that my dad could possibly die very soon, within the next few years, perhaps even in the next few months and I am at peace with that.
I know that many people find it very difficult to believe me (or others) when I (or they) say that they don't have a problem with death. That they don't fear death, whether it be their own or someone else's. But I don't. Death doesn't bother me. My Christian belief, and that of my family, leaves me with the knowledge and hope of an afterlife in eternal Paradise. I know that if my dad should die, that's where he's headed and he'll be much better off there than he is here. I don't worry about him. I'm not going to lie and say that I won't feel sad, that I won't grieve and have passing thoughts of "what if?" But grief passes and the grief is for myself, for my mother, my brothers, my girls. The grief is not for my father.
It is easy for me to not worry about such a possibility. And such a possibility would change my life, change the life of my mother, my siblings, my children--change them all irrevocably. But I don't agonize over my dad's condition. Yet I so easily agonize over the condition of my kitchen.
When it's all said and done, however, I think I'm happy with the way things are. I think I'd rather sweat the small things. If I worried about my dad's condition, or our finances, or my in-laws the way I worry about whether or not my kid's clothes coordinate, I'd never have a moment's peace. And peaceful moments are hard enough to come by without chasing them off with worry.
The older I get and the more stresses that come my way, the more I learn to appreciate that God is perfectly capable of handling those stresses and is more than willing to take them off my shoulders. All it takes is a quickly whispered prayer. He will gladly carry my burdens as long as I am willing to give up control and let Him.
In the grand scheme of things, my dirty floor is really not all that heavy of a burden, so I'm ok with carrying it for now. And maybe someday, as I grow older and wiser, I'll learn to let it go along with everything else. Time will tell.
In all honesty, it's a tad ridiculous.
Life is a constant, ever-changing, massive ball of unpredictability. Circumstances change in an instant. The path you set for yourself is almost never the path you end up walking down. Things happen that you can't control (and if I'm truly honest with myself, and the world, I'm more than a bit of a control freak) and the best thing you can do is trust that God will handle the things you can't and get you through them.
The thing I find interesting, in my case however, is that when it comes to the big things--I mean, the huge, important, life-altering things--I don't worry about them. I'm able to give up control and just trust that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
My dad is pretty sick right now. He's had some rather major medical issues going on for the past several years, but they are all coming to a head now. In the past six weeks he has had numerous tests run, received multiple blood transfusions and taken a trip to the ER that resulted in a 4-day hospital stay. Without saying too much specifically, to protect his privacy, I can say that there is a good chance that his lease on life may be limited. I hope that he's around for the next 30 years. I know that probably won't happen. But what I pray for is that God's will be done. I know that God has a plan for my dad, as He does for each of us, and if His plan is for my dad to die at the age of 55, or 56, or 57, then that is what will happen.
When my mom first told me what my dad's diagnosis was, I wasn't surprised. I'd seen it coming. But hearing it spoken out loud was still a bit of a shock. I took a day or two to grieve and to process, but I very quickly came to a place of acceptance. I came to terms with the fact that my dad could possibly die very soon, within the next few years, perhaps even in the next few months and I am at peace with that.
I know that many people find it very difficult to believe me (or others) when I (or they) say that they don't have a problem with death. That they don't fear death, whether it be their own or someone else's. But I don't. Death doesn't bother me. My Christian belief, and that of my family, leaves me with the knowledge and hope of an afterlife in eternal Paradise. I know that if my dad should die, that's where he's headed and he'll be much better off there than he is here. I don't worry about him. I'm not going to lie and say that I won't feel sad, that I won't grieve and have passing thoughts of "what if?" But grief passes and the grief is for myself, for my mother, my brothers, my girls. The grief is not for my father.
It is easy for me to not worry about such a possibility. And such a possibility would change my life, change the life of my mother, my siblings, my children--change them all irrevocably. But I don't agonize over my dad's condition. Yet I so easily agonize over the condition of my kitchen.
When it's all said and done, however, I think I'm happy with the way things are. I think I'd rather sweat the small things. If I worried about my dad's condition, or our finances, or my in-laws the way I worry about whether or not my kid's clothes coordinate, I'd never have a moment's peace. And peaceful moments are hard enough to come by without chasing them off with worry.
The older I get and the more stresses that come my way, the more I learn to appreciate that God is perfectly capable of handling those stresses and is more than willing to take them off my shoulders. All it takes is a quickly whispered prayer. He will gladly carry my burdens as long as I am willing to give up control and let Him.
In the grand scheme of things, my dirty floor is really not all that heavy of a burden, so I'm ok with carrying it for now. And maybe someday, as I grow older and wiser, I'll learn to let it go along with everything else. Time will tell.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Charles Brandon Robertson
I would just like to take a moment to say that I am extremely thankful for my husband.
He is extremely loving and supportive and he always has my back, no matter the circumstance. He is always honest with me and even if that honesty hurts or even if I feel like it does me no good at that exact moment in time, it still helps to hear it and more than that, it helps to know that he never lies to me. He tells me like it is, the good and the bad, and I know I can trust him because of that. He defends me and puts me and my feelings first and I know he would tackle dragons for me.
Lately there's been a lot of family issues going on for us and while we may not always agree about those issues, he always tries to put the best spin on things as possible and he reminds me that I can only do so much. The world's problems are not mine to fix. He keeps me grounded, he keeps me sane.
He loves me for me, accepting every part of me, the good and the bad, and that is rare. Where others have let me down, he has raised me up. He tells me that I'm beautiful when I feel ugly, he tells me that I'm everything when I feel inadequate.
He is my better half.
He is extremely loving and supportive and he always has my back, no matter the circumstance. He is always honest with me and even if that honesty hurts or even if I feel like it does me no good at that exact moment in time, it still helps to hear it and more than that, it helps to know that he never lies to me. He tells me like it is, the good and the bad, and I know I can trust him because of that. He defends me and puts me and my feelings first and I know he would tackle dragons for me.
Lately there's been a lot of family issues going on for us and while we may not always agree about those issues, he always tries to put the best spin on things as possible and he reminds me that I can only do so much. The world's problems are not mine to fix. He keeps me grounded, he keeps me sane.
He loves me for me, accepting every part of me, the good and the bad, and that is rare. Where others have let me down, he has raised me up. He tells me that I'm beautiful when I feel ugly, he tells me that I'm everything when I feel inadequate.
He is my better half.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Checking In...
So I blogged back at the end of May that I was done being overweight and that I was officially getting into shape and training for a marathon. I also blogged that mistakes would be made--and so they have been.
After I posted that blog, I went about a week where I was seriously trying to work out, at least a little, every day and I tried to kick the soda habit. Didn't work. I got bored with the treadmill, couldn't resist the caffeine cravings and I went right back to my same old, same old. Marathon training came to a speedy halt. I caught myself over the next couple of weeks reminding myself of the public declaration I'd made about running a marathon and telling myself that I had plenty of time, if I screwed up for a few weeks, it was no big deal. I was lying to myself, and what's worse, I knew I was lying to myself, yet I still wasn't getting up off my ass and doing something about it.
And then, my sister came to town.
My niece got married 10 days ago and because of that, the whole family was in town. My sister and niece stayed with us for a few days before the wedding and after the wedding we had a few days of glorious peace because my brother and sister-in-law hijacked our kids and took them home with them for a few days. After a tearful farewell to the youngsters, my sister and I sat in my living room trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. After coming up with and then discarding a number of suggestions, I had an epiphany. I looked at my sister and said: We have a gym membership. There is a pool at the gym. To which my sister immediately and emphatically replied: We must go swimming. We must go swimming NOW!
For the next three days we spent time at the pool, enjoying the exercise, the whirlpool and most especially the air conditioning (it was 100+ degrees outside each day and the AC in our house was on the fritz). We discussed anything and everything and one of the things we discussed was how we both needed to get back into shape but were having trouble getting motivated to do so.
And then I had an idea. An awful idea. I had a wonderful awful idea....except there was nothing awful about it. (And for those of you who get the reference, kudos!) We could start a dual blog, where we could both post updates about our weight-losing progress. And admitting that we're both competitive as hell, that could be our motivation. Because, as I told my sister, there was no way in hell I was letting her get back to being skinny and hot before I did. She immediately concurred. (And of course we both admitted that getting thin wasn't the goal, getting healthy was....but seriously, who are we kidding, right?)
So on July 5 we started "Fat Wars" which can be read at www.sistersfightfat.blogspot.com. Since then I can proudly say that I have worked out 5 out of the last 7 days, I've kicked the soda habit and lowered my calorie intake. Since posting on May 31st about starting marathon training, I've lost 11 pounds. Down to 245 with 85 more pounds to go!
And maybe the best news of all: my brother and sister-in-law (you know, the ones who hijacked our kids) are trying to lose weight too, and after reading our blog, they've started their own competition AND their own blog about it!! So proud of them!
For the longest time I said I couldn't figure out what it would take to motivate me to get back into shape--but apparently, my motivation is competition. I workout every day (or close to it) cuz I can't wait to post about it as soon as I'm done...and if my sister posts first for the day, working out shoots up in my priority list. I gotta get it done so I can post too. And of course, it's all healthy competition--I hope that my sister is thinking the exact same way I am, cuz Lord knows, it's doing me all kinds of good. And if we keep it up, in the end we both win. And that's the best prize of all. :)
After I posted that blog, I went about a week where I was seriously trying to work out, at least a little, every day and I tried to kick the soda habit. Didn't work. I got bored with the treadmill, couldn't resist the caffeine cravings and I went right back to my same old, same old. Marathon training came to a speedy halt. I caught myself over the next couple of weeks reminding myself of the public declaration I'd made about running a marathon and telling myself that I had plenty of time, if I screwed up for a few weeks, it was no big deal. I was lying to myself, and what's worse, I knew I was lying to myself, yet I still wasn't getting up off my ass and doing something about it.
And then, my sister came to town.
My niece got married 10 days ago and because of that, the whole family was in town. My sister and niece stayed with us for a few days before the wedding and after the wedding we had a few days of glorious peace because my brother and sister-in-law hijacked our kids and took them home with them for a few days. After a tearful farewell to the youngsters, my sister and I sat in my living room trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. After coming up with and then discarding a number of suggestions, I had an epiphany. I looked at my sister and said: We have a gym membership. There is a pool at the gym. To which my sister immediately and emphatically replied: We must go swimming. We must go swimming NOW!
For the next three days we spent time at the pool, enjoying the exercise, the whirlpool and most especially the air conditioning (it was 100+ degrees outside each day and the AC in our house was on the fritz). We discussed anything and everything and one of the things we discussed was how we both needed to get back into shape but were having trouble getting motivated to do so.
And then I had an idea. An awful idea. I had a wonderful awful idea....except there was nothing awful about it. (And for those of you who get the reference, kudos!) We could start a dual blog, where we could both post updates about our weight-losing progress. And admitting that we're both competitive as hell, that could be our motivation. Because, as I told my sister, there was no way in hell I was letting her get back to being skinny and hot before I did. She immediately concurred. (And of course we both admitted that getting thin wasn't the goal, getting healthy was....but seriously, who are we kidding, right?)
So on July 5 we started "Fat Wars" which can be read at www.sistersfightfat.blogspot.com. Since then I can proudly say that I have worked out 5 out of the last 7 days, I've kicked the soda habit and lowered my calorie intake. Since posting on May 31st about starting marathon training, I've lost 11 pounds. Down to 245 with 85 more pounds to go!
And maybe the best news of all: my brother and sister-in-law (you know, the ones who hijacked our kids) are trying to lose weight too, and after reading our blog, they've started their own competition AND their own blog about it!! So proud of them!
For the longest time I said I couldn't figure out what it would take to motivate me to get back into shape--but apparently, my motivation is competition. I workout every day (or close to it) cuz I can't wait to post about it as soon as I'm done...and if my sister posts first for the day, working out shoots up in my priority list. I gotta get it done so I can post too. And of course, it's all healthy competition--I hope that my sister is thinking the exact same way I am, cuz Lord knows, it's doing me all kinds of good. And if we keep it up, in the end we both win. And that's the best prize of all. :)
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Done
So, I haven't blogged in a while. Not because I don't have anything to say, however. It's because I've had too much to say and haven't felt able to say it. At least not in a public forum like this.
So much has happened in the past few weeks....
........my dad has been diagnosed with some serious medical problems....
........family members have personal issues going on......
.........a pregnancy scare......
.........a very good friend going through a very tough time......
They're all things that I am heavily involved in, yet don't feel like I can write about because while I'm involved in the stories, they're not mine to tell. But I'm going crazy because I have all this stuff going on in my head and no way to release it, to just let it go. And I have found that while I can talk to other people who are involved, writing is the only way in which I feel I can put my thoughts in order, put them out there for others to see in an orderly fashion and then release them and not have them weighing me down.
My husband says that my problem is that I take on too much drama that is not my own. He may be right. In all actuality, he probably is. But I care about the people in my life and want to help them as much as I can. It drives me absolutely bonkers that I can't fix the world's problems...and more particularly the problems of those closest to me.
But I've come to the conclusion very recently that I can't help people if they either 1) don't want help or 2) are not ready and/or willing to accept said help. So I will continue to pray for them and then leave everything in God's hands. Other than that, I'm done. I have to put my own needs and the needs of my family first, and apparently, my family has been suffering more than I've been aware of and that is not ok.
I can't do this anymore and that hurts me more than words can express, more than anyone will understand. But I can't. So I'm done.
So much has happened in the past few weeks....
........my dad has been diagnosed with some serious medical problems....
........family members have personal issues going on......
.........a pregnancy scare......
.........a very good friend going through a very tough time......
They're all things that I am heavily involved in, yet don't feel like I can write about because while I'm involved in the stories, they're not mine to tell. But I'm going crazy because I have all this stuff going on in my head and no way to release it, to just let it go. And I have found that while I can talk to other people who are involved, writing is the only way in which I feel I can put my thoughts in order, put them out there for others to see in an orderly fashion and then release them and not have them weighing me down.
My husband says that my problem is that I take on too much drama that is not my own. He may be right. In all actuality, he probably is. But I care about the people in my life and want to help them as much as I can. It drives me absolutely bonkers that I can't fix the world's problems...and more particularly the problems of those closest to me.
But I've come to the conclusion very recently that I can't help people if they either 1) don't want help or 2) are not ready and/or willing to accept said help. So I will continue to pray for them and then leave everything in God's hands. Other than that, I'm done. I have to put my own needs and the needs of my family first, and apparently, my family has been suffering more than I've been aware of and that is not ok.
I can't do this anymore and that hurts me more than words can express, more than anyone will understand. But I can't. So I'm done.
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