Done

So, I haven't blogged in a while.  Not because I don't have anything to say, however.  It's because I've had too much to say and haven't felt able to say it.  At least not in a public forum like this.

So much has happened in the past few weeks....

........my dad has been diagnosed with some serious medical problems....

........family members have personal issues going on......

.........a pregnancy scare......

.........a very good friend going through a very tough time......

They're all things that I am heavily involved in, yet don't feel like I can write about because while I'm involved in the stories, they're not mine to tell.  But I'm going crazy because I have all this stuff going on in my head and no way to release it, to just let it go. And I have found that while I can talk to other people who are involved, writing is the only way in which I feel I can put my thoughts in order, put them out there for others to see in an orderly fashion and then release them and not have them weighing me down.

My husband says that my problem is that I take on too much drama that is not my own.  He may be right.  In all actuality, he probably is.  But I care about the people in my life and want to help them as much as I can.  It drives me absolutely bonkers that I can't fix the world's problems...and more particularly the problems of those closest to me. 

But I've come to the conclusion very recently that I can't help people if they either 1) don't want help or 2) are not ready and/or willing to accept said help.  So I will continue to pray for them and then leave everything in God's hands.  Other than that, I'm done.  I have to put my own needs and the needs of my family first, and apparently, my family has been suffering more than I've been aware of and that is not ok. 

I can't do this anymore and that hurts me more than words can express, more than anyone will understand.  But I can't.  So I'm done.