I was at church tonight, thoroughly enjoying the Maundy Thursday service, when it came time for the prayers, about 2/3 of the way through the service. And before beginning, my pastor announced to the congregation that there was a special prayer request tonight. One of our members who is pregnant with her first child and near her time of delivery has been told by the doctors that her baby is in distress. They are planning an induction to try and preserve the baby's life.
As a mother, my immediate response was a dropping of the heart and a prickling behind my eyes. I have not had to go through the terrible grief of losing a child and all things considered, I had two very healthy and fairly easy pregnancies and deliveries. Even when Daphnie was transported to Cardinal Glennon at only 48 hours old, I never truly feared for her life. The doctors had said it was strictly precautionary and I took them at their word. Yet whenever I hear of a mother losing a child or in danger of possibly losing a child, my heart aches for them and yearns to hold my own two babies just a little bit closer, harder, longer.
As my pastor began the prayers and specifically remembered this member in them, he asked God that if it be His will, to please preserve the life of both mother and child. And that phrase--if it be Your will--was used specifically. Twice. And it reminded me that as humans, with human emotions, our first instinct is to pray for preservation of life, especially for those we love and hold close. It is very rare that we ask for the death of one we love. Always we want them to be around for just a little bit longer. And I think this is never more true than when we speak of a young child. A newborn. Their life is only beginning. No one wants it to be snuffed out before it begins. Yet, as humans, we can never truly comprehend, never fully understand the will of God, specifically when it seems that His will is to take someone from us.
I have a friend who lost her son a little over a year ago. He was three weeks old. She is not religious and the one question she seemed to ask over and over again was: if God loves us, if He is a loving and merciful God, why would He allow my child to die? What kind of God lets bad things happen to children?
It's a legitimate question. And it's one that I've had a hard time answering, especially in a context that is understandable to those who do not share my beliefs. When I'm speaking to another Christian who doesn't fear death, who strongly believes in the presence of God and Heaven and an everlasting life after death, the answers are easy. It's simply a matter of faith. We have it and so it makes sense. But to someone who doesn't have that, believing people when they tell you that God loves you, even though your child just died, is a bit harder to swallow. I understand how hearing tons of people tell you that "it's all for the best" or "you'll understand it someday" or "it's all part of God's plan" can be frustrating and irritating and make you angry beyond belief. How it can sound trite and is just "what people say."
Tonight, sitting in church, hearing the pastor's announcement of that prayer request and remembering what night we were celebrating and what happened on it, I found the answer that I can give to those hard questions.
Maundy Thursday is the first night of a three-day remembrance leading up to Easter. On this special Thursday, Christians remember the night that Christ shared the final Passover meal with His disciples and then was betrayed into the hands of His enemies to be crucified. After sharing that meal with His disciples, they all retire to a place called the Mount of Olives and while there, Jesus leaves His disciples and steps away for a few moments to pray. And this is what He says:
"My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will....My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink of it, your will be done."--Matthew 26:39, 42
"Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."--Mark 14:36
"'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.' And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground."--Luke 22:42-44
In three different accounts of the Gospel, it is noted that Jesus prays to God, asking that He not be forced to do what He was sent to do. Christ knew the plan all along. He knew that He would be sent to earth to live and preach and at the end of His earthly existence, die, in order that mankind might be saved. He came to earth knowing this, prepared for it. Yet when the time came for these things to happen, He begged His Father, not once, not twice, but three times (that are documented in Scripture) that He not be forced to be tortured and put up on a cross. If there could be any other way that mankind could be saved, let that way be done, and not the way that required Him to be scorned, mocked, beaten, tortured and killed. His soul was sorrowful and He was in agony; He did not want to do what had to be done. He wished for any other possible solution. Yet always He remembered that it was God's will and not His that must be done. And God's answer was no. No, there is not another way. There is only one way and this is it and it must be done. You must die if they are to live. And so Christ went and suffered all things and gave up His life. And three days hence, He was raised to life and defeated sin, death and the devil. What started as a tragedy ended as a victory. Not only for Christ, but for us. Especially for us.
So when people ask me now, "How can God allow children to die? How could He not save my child?" my answer will be this: He allowed His own Son to die. He didn't save His own child. He allowed His own child not only to die, but to be laughed at, scorned, beaten beyond all belief, tortured with thorns and spears, spit on, forced to carry His own cross, crucified with thieves, utterly humiliated and finally killed. A child that He loved, His very own Son, He abandoned to die that we might be saved. He could very easily have let His child off the hook. Jesus could have easily said, Nope, no way, not worth it. But that didn't happen. God gave up His child. For us. So that we could be His children and live.
I mean, it would be like having a perfectly healthy baby, with no health issues, no reason this kid won't make it to 90 years old, no problem, and, knowing that the baby next door is going to die without a new heart, just up and killing your own child so that you could give his or her heart to the baby next door. And not just any baby next door. No, this isn't your nephew or your niece or anyone close to you. This is an utter stranger. And not just a stranger. This is the child of your neighbor who is loud and obnoxious and rude and doesn't pay his taxes on time and gets food stamps so he can buy cigarettes and weed and is always letting his dog crap in your pristine front yard and shouldn't have had a baby in the first place. Who would do that, seriously? I wouldn't. But God did.
And so earthly death, while it is a tragedy for us because our human emotions dictate it, is for God a triumph, a victory. He is bringing His children home to life eternal with Him.
Now, this still may not be answer enough for some. And that's okay. This is in no way an attempt to force my beliefs down anyone's throats or to forcibly convert those that still have questions or doubts or simply don't buy it.
But if you believe in the possibility of God's existence, if you acknowledge that He's out there is some form and you want to know how He can possibly allow such bad things to happen in the world, specifically the death of those young ones who have barely begun to live, remember that He allowed the worst possible thing to happen to His own child. No death any child has suffered or the grief that his or her parents have suffered can begin to compare to the pain and agony that Christ suffered on the cross or God suffered knowing that it must happen, that He must allow it to happen so that His creation could be saved. He sacrificed His child in order that we might be spared that kind of suffering.
Does that mean we shouldn't grieve over our lost ones? Absolutely not. Does that mean we're not allowed to feel anger or rage over the loss of loved ones? No. Human emotion must be acknowledged and accepted and dealt with. That is part of life. God doesn't begrudge you that. He understands what you're feeling, because He's been where you are.
But just as His own Son asked if there might be another way and God answered no, sometimes His answer to us is no, too. And often it is because there is a greater plan in motion that we as humans cannot fully understand or appreciate at this time. I know that's a huge pill to swallow and I'm not saying it's easy to accept. But it gives me a lot of comfort when things are rough. If God could allow His own Son to die, whom He loves greatly, in my place, how much more does He love me and those I hold close that He would sacrifice the one He holds dearest so that I might be saved?
It's a pretty big deal. And there is comfort to be had in that, if we can only open ourselves up to it.
And that's all I have for you for now. Until next time....
No comments:
Post a Comment