happiness is what you make of it

Over Memorial Day weekend, I took my two girls and went with my mother to visit the Hardy side of my family (my mother's family) in southeastern Indiana.  I've always loved visiting the Hardys, for a number of reasons.  The first is that the Hardys are simply the epitome of how I picture a family being--my grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins are all extremely close and incredibly involved in the going ons of each other. --And not in the nosy, gossipy sort of way where people always know one another's business, but in the "I honestly care about what's going on in your life" way.--The Hardys are a unit, plain and simple.  Secondly, my grandparents live on a large farm (or at least, what I consider to be large based on the limited backyard space I've had since being a child)--there are plenty of trees, a lake filled with fish and clear starry skies uninhibited by buildings and the ever present haze of smog present in East Alton and Granite City.   And finally, the Hardy farm is one of the few places I have found in this world (the others being church and my husband's embrace) where I can truly relax, take a deep breath and be myself. 

My grandparents are flanked on either side by one of my two Hardy uncles and their families.  As you drive up the two lane highway, you can see all three houses lined up in a row, separated by no more than half a mile, the lake and forest making a gorgeous backdrop.  It's pretty much a guarantee that while staying at my grandparents' home for a few days, my uncles, my aunts and my cousins (before we all grew up, headed off to college, jobs, marriages, Korea, etc) will all be frequent visitors.  Fish are caught and cooked, dinners are eaten, conversation is had.  Often times I spend three or four days in which I watch absolutely no TV, have no reception on my cell phone and no internet access.  Any other time in any other place, such circumstances might bother me.  But not there.  There the company, the peace and serenity is more than enough to satisfy me.

Before moving to Granite City, IL in 2000, my family lived not too far from the small town in which the Hardy clan resides.  While many memories were made during the childhood years I spent in Indiana, I don't think I've come to truly appreciate that time and place until very recently.  The Hardys live what most would consider a relatively simple life.  Spare time is spent fishing in the lake or tending small vegetables gardens.  Chores include caring for the small herd of cows that now reside on the farm, as well as general upkeep on the fences and homes and mowing the numerous acres of grass.  My grandparents have very basic cable and no computer or internet.  While this might seem extremely boring to some (and while it used to seem quite boring to me, especially as a child) I am coming to realize that I crave that simplicity and the camaraderie that comes with it.  I am learning to appreciate the "small" things that more and more seem to be so much bigger than I ever thought them to be.  Staring up at the stars, listening to the crickets and bullfrogs as they belt out nature's symphony, breathing in fresh air.  All these things lead to a sense of utter happiness and contentment--almost.

It's a five hour drive from here to there.  My mother and I have made the trip many many times together and during these drives we have had many many heart to heart talks.  Subjects have ranged from religion to relationships, politics to nothing all that important.  While we were leaving to come back home this past Monday, Memorial Day, as we were driving through my grandparents' small town for the last time (at least the last time of this particular trip) my mother and I were talking about how we both had been thinking about how we might like to move back to the area, how much we missed it.  I said to my mother that I was going to talk to Chaz about the possibility of moving "back home" as I call it--Chaz has always been a country boy at heart and I'm coming to find that I pretty much am a country girl myself, at least from my own perspective.  I said that I thought I could probably learn to be really happy there.  My mother's response was that I could learn to be happy anywhere--happiness is what I make of it.

I've taken a few days to think about that and have come to the conclusion that my mother is a very wise woman.  I've thought about the things that really make me happy: Chaz, my girls, my relationship with God.  What's great about all those things is that I can have them anywhere.  Chaz and I have lived as a married couple in East Alton for two and a half years now and I know I have said on many occasions that I wanted to get out of East Alton, that I wasn't truly happy there.  But if I really think about it, in the true sense of being happy, I am extremely happy here.  Because all I've ever wanted is right here.  I have a loving and supportive husband, two beautiful daughters and a strong and involved church family.  Everything I need is right at my fingertips.  As much as I might want other things in my life, as much as I have dreams I want to pursue, in the end, the ultimate source of my happiness is already in my possession.

As I said earlier, I love visiting the Hardy farm.  I loved getting to "go home" for the weekend this past weekend.  But at some point every day, the contentment I felt was interrupted by a longing for Chaz.  I missed him.  He wasn't able to come along on the trip due to his work schedule, so the weekend was in a way incomplete.  The happiness I felt had a hole that wouldn't be filled until I was back in my husband's arms. 

So yes, happiness is what you make of it.  Happiness comes with the things that mean the most to you.  In my case, being happy has absolutely nothing to do with where I'm at, but rather with the people I'm sharing that place with.  So if it is in God's plan for us to move, whether it be to Indiana or Tennessee or one of the other numerous places we've talked about moving or if it is His plan for us to live out the rest of our days in this purple house in East Alton, so be it.  I've made my happiness and the equation to it is very simple.  Me + God + Chaz + Aubrey + Daphnie = smiley face.  Our address just didn't fit in.