Apparently, none of us slept well last night. Daphnie was down for a nap a little after noon, Aubrey by one. Naptime usually isn't until two. And I have been fighting to stay awake, and to stay warm, which I'm sure isn't helping, all day.
The morning was spent getting the living room cleaned up in preparation for Daphnie's physical therapy appointment this afternoon, while wrangling two fairly fussy babies. Their fussiness goes hand in hand, I'm sure, with their both being asleep much earlier than normal. Daphnie wasn't happy unless she was being held, Aubrey wasn't happy unless she was watching "The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride." So the decluttering of the living room happened in thirty second spurts before rushing back to comfort my children from the apparent horrors of being ten and twenty-nine months old.
I cuddled up on the couch under the fleece Marine blanket I made for Chaz once both girls were down and caught up on yesterday's new episode of "Revenge." I now have about 45 minutes before the physical therapist is supposed to show up and I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of my day. I have a list of things running through my head and the challenge, now, is to figure out if I can fit it all in to what is left of the day. Chaz texted me earlier and asked me if I would make chocolate chip cookies tonight for him to take to work tomorrow--it's a co-worker's last day. I bargained, exchanging a batch of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies for a clean slate to work with i.e. his cleaning up the counters and such before I got started. So that is on the agenda.
I've also spent some of the morning (during the few rare quiet moments that occurred) trying to come up with some ideas on how to get myself better acquainted in the kitchen. I never learned to cook as a youngster--my dad was always a bit of a Nazi in the kitchen--and as an adult, I've lost any interest I ever had in learning. Which poses a bit of a problem, because being the stay-at-home parent, Chaz and I both feel that it's part of my "duty" to have dinner ready. The last thing Chaz wants to do after working all day is come home and cook. But up until this point, I have steadfastly avoided the kitchen unless I'm whipping up some sort of confectionary concoction involving some choice ingredients like sugar and vanilla, and my KitchenAid. I feel as if I'm failing in my role as wife and mother by not providing decent food for my family to eat. So while I'm not deluding myself into thinking that starting today, I will have a home-cooked meal ready to go every day for the rest of my life, I am following my day-by-day plan, and today, I would really like to cook dinner--that covers doing something for Chaz and my girls.
I also really, really want to go back to the gym tonight. I'm sore today, but not sore enough to deter me from getting myself stretched out and back on the horse. I know there will be days that I wake up and have absolutely no interest in going to the gym/working out and I'm ok with that. I've tried a number of these 21 day challenges, 30 day challenges and 90 day challenges where I'm supposed to work out 6 days in a row each week. What I've learned from all these tries and eventual failures, is that at least in my case, I'm doomed to fail from the beginning. I'm not in good enough shape to work out six days in a row right now, at least not at the high level that most of these challenges put forth. Plus, I get burnt out really quickly. I wake up on day 3 or 4, and I don't want to work out. And if I don't get it done, then I feel like I've screwed the whole thing up and now I need to go back to the beginning and start over. And that's just a daunting prospect. So for now, I'm going to take the good days with the bad. If I wake up and feel the urge to work out that day, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get in a workout. And if I wake up and don't feel like working out, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'll find other things to do--like vacuum my house or do a load of laundry, because those things never cease needing to be done. Anyway, the point is, I want to go back to the gym tonight.
And finally, I got a belated birthday present from my wonderfully amazing grandmother today, which contained a small check. And I'd like to go deposit it, and possibly go the store, not necessarily because I'm going to spend the money, but just because I'd like to get out of the house.
So here's the rub: Daphnie's PT won't be over til about 4, 4:15--if I go straight to the gym, I'll be there by 4:30, 4:45, work out 30-60 minutes, now we're looking at getting home between 5:30 and 6. Shower, start dinner, hopefully we're eating by 7. Do I go out at 7 just for the sake of going out, with no real idea of what I want to do or where I might like to go? Do I drag the kids and Chaz out with me? And lest we forget, I still have to bake chocolate chip cookies.
I guess there will be days, like this one, where I will have to revise my outlook of taking things a day at a time to taking them an hour at a time. Roll with the punches and see what comes. I guess I'm also going to have to learn to prioritize. To quote a line from "Grey's Anatomy," (as Chaz groans in agony):
Derek Shepherd: How do you know it's the right thing?
Owen Hunt: When it's the best thing for the most people.
What's best for all of us? Guess I'm going to have to figure that out.
Until next time...
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