January 30, 2013--Ode to Brecken

In my first post, I mentioned that a friend of mine's newborn boy was born with permanent brain damage and that she and her fiance had made the difficult decision to take him home and care for him until God called him home.  He passed away yesterday morning.  I would like to share with you what my friend had to say:


"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."

He's gone............

Our sweet Brecken passed away early this morning at home in his mamma's arms. There are no words to describe the pain of losing your child.......none. I can assure everyone that there is no greater pain than this. He was 3 weeks old today. Our home is now empty and silent and our hearts will never be whole again. There is no replacing what is lost. We never got to hear our sweet boy cry or laugh. We never got to see him smile or ever had him look us fully in the eyes. We will spend the rest of our lives always wondering what that would have been like to know those things about him. What his voice would sound like, would he have dimples from smiling etc. He was too young, too innocent. This by far is the most difficult thing to have to endure in our entire lives.

A lot of you have sent messages asking if there was anything you could do for us...and there is something I'd like for you to do: Appreciate every single second you have with your children. Please stop and take a second before complaining about them not sleeping through the night because it interrupts your full nights sleep. Don't get frustrated or angry because your child won't stop crying. Please don't complain about your pregnancy aches and pains. Be grateful for having them. It means your child is growing healthy and strong....just like our Brecken was. When your child wants to tell you a story or a fun fact he/she learned, put down what you are doing and listen with interest. Laugh it off when they dirty up your floor with muddy footprints, or when they give the dog a new haircut. Such things are trivial. We would give everything we have and more to be able to experience all of those things with Brecken. 

Don't take life for granted. This birth injury happens to 1 out of every 1,000 births and it's unpredictable. I had a happy, healthy, normal pregnancy with no complications. Brecken was a normal, active little guy. It's amazing how just a few minutes in the birth canal could change everything around. Change our whole lives around.

Funeral arrangements are being made. We'll post the information once everything has been set.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, love and compassion during these last 3 weeks. It's meant so much to us.

~Sarah & Torry

Brecken Names, 1/8/13--1/29/13

My heart grieves greatly for this incredibly wonderful woman who could not wait to be a mother.  Sarah and I attended North Central College together.  Our freshman year we lived on opposite ends of the 2nd floor in Rall Hall.  Never have I met such a happy, positive person.  There was never a day that Sarah wasn't all smiles, ready to join someone for a meal down in the dining hall or to invite someone into her room to crash for a few minutes of conversation.  She and I didn't have many classes together, if any to think about it, but she is one of the few girls that I actually remember from my floor.  It's not often that you have a person leave a lasting impression on your life, especially when you meet at 18 years of age, spend a year on the same floor of a dormitory and then both leave said school, go in individual directions and don't see each other in person for the next 6 years.  But Sarah is an amazing person, a talented person and a loving person.  That she has had to suffer such a tragedy breaks my heart.  For those of you who have read my previous posts, you know that said tragedy made me seriously question some of the truths I've believed in for a long while, and that's not easy to do.

The point I wanted to make about this, however, regards the above paragraph that is in bold.  Having followed Brecken's journey and made numerous visits to Sarah's facebook page, I have read a number of the overwhelming number of posts made to Sarah and Torry, sending them support, prayers, loving thoughts and offers of help.  In response to which, Sarah has requested that those of us who have children do a better job of appreciating them, loving them and not taking them for granted, because she is not getting the chance to wake up for a 2am feeding, to clean up the projectile spit-up, to deal with the runny noses and wet diapers and crying fits at the most inopportune times.

As a mother of two, only nineteen months apart, I am very familiar with the frustrations of motherhood.  Both kids screaming at the same time, both kids dirty at the same time, dealing with one kid's crisis just to turn around and deal with the other's.  Yesterday was such a day--I didn't sleep well the night before, I was exhausted and neither girl could be consoled yesterday.  It was exhausting and by the end of the night I was so cranky.  And then I read Sarah's post.  My eyes filled with tears and I immediately hugged my girls and said a quick prayer of thanks that they are healthy and they are here.

So Sarah, this is for you: 

 Aubrey Lynn Robertson, 8/20/10

Daphnie Brianne Robertson, 3/21/13

Sisters, 3/22/13

Sarah & Torry, I am so deeply sorry that you will never have the chance to see these moments with your boy.  I know that words aren't enough--I'm sure your thoughts cannot stop revolving around all of the Christmases, birthdays, milestones that Brecken never got the chance to see, and perhaps my reminding you of them isn't what you need, and if so, again, I am so sorry.  But Sarah, I want to thank you for reminding me that I have been blessed with something that not every mother gets.  I want to thank you for reminding me that my girls mean everything to me, even when they're fussing.  I want to thank you for reminding me to not take a second for granted, because we don't know how many seconds we have.  Thank you for showing me, and the world, how to cherish every moment and to live a lifetime in three weeks.  Brecken was showered with a lifetime of love in his short three weeks.  No one can doubt that you gave him everything you had and even if he couldn't process anything else, there is no doubt in my mind he knew he was loved.  I don't care what the medicine says, he knew that he was blessed with the two best parents he could have ever asked for.  You are an inspiration to me, and I'm sure to many, many others.  If I can be even a fraction as good a mom to my girls as you were to Brecken, I will count myself lucky and blessed.  

I also wanted to show you that I am doing my best to do what you asked.  The pictures are meant to show that I am trying like hell to appreciate and cherish every moment.  I am trying to record what I have been given.  Thank you for giving me the need to do so, because in showing you, I've also shown myself.

Heaven gained a treasure yesterday morning.  Know that Brecken is being taken care of, that he is being loved and cherished, that he is in no pain.  He is being rocked in the arms of Christ, he is surrounded by angels, by beauty and love and while three weeks was a very short time, he is not truly gone.  He is waiting for you.

My love, thoughts and prayers to you both and your families.