I've never been a huge fan of Brad Paisley, but I do enjoy his song "Letter to Me." And I heard it recently and wondered, if I knew then what I knew now, what would I tell myself at 17? Or even a year younger at 16, which seems to be the major milestone for females?
....have no fear, these are nowhere near the best years of your life....
1) Mom is right. It's just puppy-love.
From the time I was 14, I thought he was the love of my life. I pined over him for four years, all through high school. One night when taking a walk with my mother, I was agonizing over these feelings I had for this boy and how my life would never be complete because he didn't feel the same way. My mom's response: it's puppy-love, Briana. I remember exclaiming passionately that it was NOT puppy-love, I was in love with this boy and if he were to drop down on one knee that very night and propose to me, I would say yes. I was seventeen.
In the end, we dated--briefly--and then it ended. I won't go into the details. Let's leave it at I was heartbroken. I thought I'd never love again. And then I grew up. I got past eighteen, I got past high school. I went to college, I met new people, my life moved on. And when I finally found real love--the kind that is highs and lows and laughter and arguments and orgasms and "leave me the hell alone's" and kids and jobs and thick and think, constantly--I realized that my mom was right. It was just puppy-love. It wasn't worth the tears and the agony and the heartache. I would survive it, and more importantly, I would thrive.
2) A 4-year degree is a joke. Do what YOU want to do.
I graduated second in a class of five hundred. I had a near perfect GPA. Every adult within a 100 mile radius told me that I was going to do something "great." I had such a future ahead of me. I had considered being a massage therapist during high school and was told that I was "better" than tech school. I needed to go away, go to college, go to a university, get a 4 year degree. Be "great."
And I listened to them. I started out as a music ed major. Two terms in, I knew I didn't want to do that. So I became a psych major because I had so enjoyed my intro gen ed psych class. I got quite a bit farther into that before I realized that in order to actually work in my field I would need at least a Master's degree, if not a doctorate. Which meant 2-4 years more of school, at least. I wasn't even done with my Bachelor's and already I was burnt out. I was so sick of school. I was so sick of classes that didn't matter and the time and energy put into things I didn't really care about.
So finally, FINALLY, I ditched the four year program and went to tech school. I got my massage therapy education, passed my national exam and got licensed. I finally went back and did what I wanted to do, not what everybody expected me to do.
If I could do it all over again, I'd have gone to massage school in the first place. I'd have done what I truly wanted to do. I'd be $40,000 less in debt and have a lot more experience under my belt. Don't let people talk you out of what you want for yourself. They're not you. You are you. Do what works for you.
3) Working retail during the holidays....SUCKS. Don't do it if at all possible.
This one pretty much speaks for itself. Not only did I work retail during the holidays one year, I worked TWO retail jobs during the holidays one year. At the mall.
Beyond stupid.
4) You are talented. Don't let the wannabes convince you differently.
I love to sing. I always have. I sang all through high school in 3 different choirs. I thought I had a good voice, but I had a bit of a confidence issue. Unfortunately, my peers and my directors throughout high school did nothing but encourage that inner doubt. I wasn't given solos because I wasn't the "popular" kid, I wasn't given solos because I didn't have the right parents (you know, the ones who had influence on the school board, made donations, etc...). I didn't get cast in any major roles of the school musicals for the same reasons. Gotta love high school politics, right?
It wasn't until college that I had a director tell me that I had a beautiful voice. He encouraged me to try out for solos, demanded that I try out for solos. But by that point the damage was done. I doubted my talent. Any time I hit a note wrong during practice I was sure everyone heard it and was snickering about it. There was no way I was risking making a mistake while I sang all by myself. No chance in hell.
Now I sing at church and am told all the time to join the choir. The short bit I did in the church choir, I was given the Christmas solo without any choice in the matter. And I freaked out about it until I had it perfect. And still I was scared shitless that I would screw it up.
Looking back now, I wish I had recognized high school politics for what they were. Because I'd have realized that none of it actually had anything to do with me or what I was capable of. That doubt would have never developed and I would not have allowed it to hold me back.
I wouldn't be quite so silent now.
5) Having a date for prom is overrated.
You feel like you have to stay with your date if you have one. I went as a junior with my boyfriend who was a senior. He didn't dance. I spent the first half of the night hanging on the wall with him bored out of my mind. The second half of the night I spent hanging out with friends and dancing and felt guilty as hell because he wouldn't join in.
Senior year I took a friend who had already graduated. He ditched me about half an hour in for another girl. I don't know for sure, but I'm assuming he got laid. His car was sexy, what can I say? My best friend (who also happened to be the guy I was "in love" with) drove me home.
I wouldn't call either night a "success." In hindsight, I'd have gotten a bunch of my girlfriends together and gone with them. We'd have danced all night and had a good time without having to worry about the dumb high school males. I'd have danced all night and had a good time without worrying about what my worth was in the eyes of some dumb high school male.
Go solo. End of story.
6) Break some rules--the end justifies the means.
I was not a rule-breaker. The worst of my indiscretions was being a little late past curfew a handful of times. And I let my parents scare the hell out of me. I was terrified of letting them down. I gave up time with friends, typical teenage experiences because I did not want to disappoint my parents. I was as golden a child as possible. I tried my hardest to not screw up.
I should have let myself. I should have gone to a party or two. I should have stayed out til 2 or 3 in the morning. I should have moved out and gotten an apartment with my sister-in-law when I had the chance. I should have given myself a life outside of my family niche.
Instead, I lived at home until I found myself married and pregnant at 23. I went from living with a family unit to living with a new and different family unit. I never learned to do things for myself because there was always someone to do it for me. I can't change a tire. I can't really cook. I don't understand how to do basic home upkeep (I didn't know how to run a dishwasher until Chaz showed me how).
That's embarrassing.
Break some rules. Move out. Be independent. Figure out who you are and embrace yourself.
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be....have a little faith and you'll see
If I could write a letter to me....
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