I have been wanting to write a blog post on pregnancy and labor for a while now. However, the subject matter is fairly great and involved, so I may have to do this over multiple posts--firstly so I don't get carpal tunnel and secondly so that those of you who do end up reading this don't go blind trying to read it all in one sitting. We'll see how it goes.
There are two things about pregnancy and labor that I want to emphasize greatly, before saying anything else:
1) Each woman is different and has personal preferences. Each pregnancy and labor is different, with individual characteristics. No woman should EVER be judged for the decisions she makes regarding her pregnancy and labor process, whatever they may be. Period.
2) Women: EDUCATE YOURSELVES!!! The most important thing you can do during pregnancy, especially a first one, is to find out as much as possible about this new life-changing process you are going through. Read books, talk to TRUSTED and CLOSE family and friends (DO NOT get pulled down into all of the horror stories told by your friend's cousin's sister's mom), ask lots and lots of questions to your doctor or midwife or doula and make them answer them to YOUR satisfaction. Make sure you are as mentally knowledgeable and prepared as you feel you need to be.
These two things are key. No matter what my personal preferences might be and what I might suggest as a good idea, at the end of the day, you are in charge of your pregnancy--you know what you want, what you are comfortable with and you have every right to choose how to go through your personal pregnancy and delivery.
I'd like to start by sharing my own story because I think it plays a huge role in how I've come to view pregnancy and the belief system I have developed regarding pregnancy and labor.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was much less worried about the pregnancy itself and much more worried about telling my parents that I was pregnant. I was engaged, but not married, and my parents had drilled into my head that sex was something to be saved until marriage. It was just my luck that the first time I ever had sex, I ended up pregnant 13 days later. But that's a story for another day.
I didn't know anything about pregnancy when I found out that I myself was pregnant. And at that point, I didn't really care to do anything about that. I talked to my mom, to my mother-in-law and to my doctor. I figured those were three people whom I could trust and I took what they told me for granted. My own mother had given birth to two children, both naturally. So had my mother-in-law. My OB was very supportive of what I wanted from the very beginning. He answered my questions, but basically left most everything up to Chaz and myself. The only test he insisted on running was the gestational diabetes blood test. When I was getting close to delivery he was open about options.
Now, as I said, I didn't know a lot about pregnancy during my first pregnancy. I had heard of midwives and doulas, but I hadn't consciously thought about there being another option, other than a hospital birth. I just figured this was the way it was done. And having discovered since that in most cases it is illegal for midwives to practice in the state of Illinois, therefore making home births "illegal" I really didn't have another option, even if I had known about or wanted one.
I went in for my weekly appointment about 10 days before my due date and found out I was already between 4 and 5 centimeters dilated and my OB told me that if I wanted, I could come back as early as the next day to be induced. Chaz and I had just moved into a new house and still had quite a bit of work to do before baby Robertson arrived, so I choose to go home and wait for labor to start naturally. My OB told me to go ahead and make my next appointment, but he figured he'd be seeing me before that. Turns out I did make it to my next appointment and by that point, I was more than ready to be done. I was scheduled to come into the hospital the next morning to be induced.
I arrived at the hospital around 6am and by 6:30 was hooked up to all the monitors and the pitocin was flowing. The doctor came in sometime between 8 and 9 to break my water. After that, the contractions started with a vengeance. Between that time and the next four hours, I was asked multiple times by the nurses if I wanted anything for pain, they could call the anesthesiologist and get me an epidural--looking back now, I almost feel as if they were encouraging me to get one--but I was dead set on having a natural labor. My mother had done it, my mother-in-law had done it, women all over the world did it--I would do it too. As the contractions continued to lengthen and strengthen, I sunk deeper and deeper into a state of meditation. Chaz sat hunched in a corner, staying quiet, having been warned by multiple friends to stay out of the way, because at some point I would start screaming at him, blaming him and calling him every name in the book. Turns out, the worse the contractions got, the quieter I got, until I wasn't talking at all. Like I said, I sank into a state of meditation, my mother by my side talking me through my contractions. She stood there, watching the monitor, telling me when the contractions were starting, when they peaked, when they would back off, and here we go again. And I breathed. And breathed. And focused on breathing. And breathed some more. That's how I got through the pain. I embraced it, I forced myself to relax and let my body do what it's made to do.
I'm not sure how I knew how to do this, because as I've said, I didn't do any type of research during this pregnancy. I trusted the people around me and just "went with it." But I knew I didn't want an epidural and somehow I instinctively knew to let my body take over and do it's thing. I didn't fight it and by 1:44pm, I had my first daughter in my arms. I'd been in labor for less than 8 hours. I have since accepted that women everywhere hate me for this.
11 months later, while on an IUD, I found out I was pregnant again. Not the way we'd planned it, but we took it in stride. I went into the OB the same day the stick turned pink, had the IUD removed and some preliminary tests run to make sure there were no immediate complications. I was about 5 weeks along.
A week later, I was in a car accident. My mother and I were sitting at a dead stop, waiting to turn into Wilson Park to take a walk when a texting teenager going about 45mph rear ended us. Needless to say, I suffered some pretty major spinal deviations. And for all my moms out there, you know how your lower back and pelvic area start to get uncomfortable the farther you go along during pregnancy. On top of that, I had my injuries. Those next eight months were the most painful of my life.
I was about five, five and a half months along when my mom and I traveled to Atlanta to take a 4 day course that would certify us in prenatal massage. Taking that course changed my whole outlook on pregnancy. For the most part it was a class that taught us specific massage techniques to use on pregnant women. But there was enough of the course that talked about natural labor and the benefits of it.
As massage therapists, we believe that the body is an intricate thing that given the proper tools is capable of healing itself. The body is regenerative. We look at medicine as a last resort. Now, understand that we recognize and acknowledge that in certain situations, medicine, surgery, etc., is absolutely necessary. But we also encourage people to again, EDUCATE themselves and look into their options, because in a lot of cases, complementary therapies are effective and preventative. But I digress...
The point is, that as a prenatal massage class, part of the learning encompassed the actual labor process, the physiological things going on, how the body is equipped to deal with said physiological processes and how to encourage the body to do just that. After taking that class, I felt the need (which I had never felt during my first pregnancy) to read, to learn, to discover. I bought a couple of books from the teacher of my massage course, took them home and read them. I discovered that there was a whole different way to view pregnancy and labor. There were options available. There were birthing centers. There were midwives. There were water births. There was a way to labor and deliver that didn't involve lying flat on my back, hooked up to monitors and wires, in a sterile, impersonal hospital room.
But as I said, I was going through the 8 most painful months of my life. Sleeping was nearly impossible because I could not find a comfortable position to lie in. Rolling over caused extreme stabbing pain in my pelvis. Sitting for too long caused extreme pain in my tailbone and going from sitting to standing made the pain worse. And I had gone through my first labor experience in the hospital and it had gone smoothly. I knew and trusted my OB--he is not one to make decisions for his patients because he "knows best" as the doctor--there was no reason in my mind to change my plan more than halfway through my pregnancy.
Induction wasn't necessary with my second daughter. She decided she was ready to come out three weeks ahead of time. I woke up a few minutes before 7am on a Wednesday at my parents' home. I had been having light contractions since Monday night--although, I wasn't quite sure about what I was feeling, since I hadn't gone through it the first time. Chaz was working a double that day and we were down to one vehicle at the time--he didn't want me home by myself without a vehicle. I got up to use the bathroom and as I was peeing, my water broke. How lucky was I? Mom packed me up into the car and we made it to the hospital by 7:30.
By then, my contractions were already starting to come pretty strongly. But I was only about 3 centimeters dilated. I had a long way to go. I want to say that at some point they hooked me up to pitocin (which having read and done research, at this point I didn't really want) but I don't remember for sure because I was blinded with pain. Following proper hospital labor procedure, I was put into a bed, flat on my back with a slight incline and hooked up to all the wires and monitors. But laying on my back was not ok for me. I hadn't been able to lay on my back for months because it hurt too much. But now, at the hospital, I wasn't allowed a different position.
The contractions continued to get worse and I tried desperately to find that place of meditation I'd gotten to during my first labor experience. But I couldn't get past the pain in my back and pelvis, so I couldn't focus on containing and breathing through the contractions. Again, I did not want an epidural so the nurses put some sort of slight pain medication or muscle relaxer in my IV bag to try and help with the pain. It helped...a little and wore off in less than an hour and I was back to being in severe pain. My cervix was checked and I hadn't dilated much more than another centimeter. I was in pain, I was tense--there was no way my cervix was going to dilate quickly if I couldn't relax. Which meant I was in for a very long haul. I'd been in labor for 3 hours now and I knew I couldn't stand much more.
So I started asking the one nurse I'd decided I liked about epidurals. I told her why I didn't want one, why I hadn't gotten one during my first labor. I asked her what exactly it would do, how would it make me feel, what were the side effects, could it stall my labor, could it affect my baby, what were the risks? The questions went on and on. Luckily, she was patient enough to answer all my questions and she was honest about everything. From what she said, I started leaning toward wanting one. Anything to stop the pain.
I looked at my mother with tears in my eyes. I didn't really want one but I didn't think I'd survive without one. Did having one done mean that I had failed? Was I weak? Was I giving up on myself? Because that's how I felt. But my mother just shook her head and said no, I hadn't failed. Every pregnancy is different and I'd spent this entire one in constant pain. That pain threshold only lasts so long. She told me that I had done what I was supposed to do--I'd asked questions, I'd gotten information, I was now equipped to make an informed and educated decision about what was best for me. And if that meant I needed an epidural, than so be it.
So I told the nurse to order it. The next 40 minutes were interminable. But the anesthesiologist finally walked in, talked me through the procedure and administered the drugs. And just like that, the pain was gone. I was laying there, feeling no pain, able to relax. I was comfortable for the first time in months. I could still feel my contractions, but I felt pressure rather than pain. I went from 4 centimeters dilated to 10 within the next hour. My OB came in to "check on me," see how I was doing with the epidural and it turns out, I was ready to push. My second daughter was born on the third push. The whole process had taken only 5 hours. Again, I have since accepted that women hate me for this.
The thing about it is though, my second labor experience felt longer than my first. A portion of it was damn near unbearable. Chaz will tell you that he never wants to go through another labor experience like my second again. That watching me in that much pain was horrible. I'd take the seven hour labor in less pain over the five hour labor in more pain any day.
Pain is relative. There are many different types of pain. These things have to be taken into account when it comes to labor. For some women, the pain of labor is nothing compared to say, a dislocation. For others, labor pain in the worst pain they've ever endured. The thing we, as women, have to do is accept that only we know what kind of pain we're in and how much, and how we can best handle it.
I am not a supporter of getting an epidural just for the sake of getting one because it's "easy." Because the truth is, there are risks involved. But if you get to a point where you feel like the pain is too much and you feel that one is necessary, that is your choice and no one can judge you for it. Just make sure that you know what you are doing. Make the effort to find out exactly what's happening and make sure that you are ok with it. Don't just take your doctor's word for it, or your friend's or your mom's or sister's. Make decisions that are right for you based on your own knowledge and understanding. Trust me, you will feel better for it.
Look for part 2 in a day or two...I'm sure this is more than enough for one day.
Until next time...
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